Birth As We Know It ™️-Birth Stories and Experiences

92-Monae Munchrath-Vaginal Birth-Theodora

• Episode 92

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In this episode, Monae shares the birth story of her daughter, Theodora, and how it differed from the birth of her son, Soren. She also touches on the emotional challenges of becoming a mother of two and how her normal day-to-day has changed. 

Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for educational purposes only with no intention of giving or replacing any medical advice. I, Kiona Nessenbaum, am not a licensed medical professional. All advice that is given on the podcast is from the personal experience of the storytellers. All medical or health-related questions should be directed to your licensed provider.  

Tune in to Monae's first episode: 20-Monaé Munchrath-Pt. 2-Vaginal Birth-Soren

Don't forget to listen to her husband, Sam, share his perspective on their son Soren's birth: 23-Samuel Munchrath-Partner-Vaginal Birth-Soren 

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If you want to share your own birth story or experience on the Birth As We Know It™️ Podcast, head over to https://birthasweknowitpodcast.com/ or fill out this Guest Request Form.

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Intro:

Welcome to Birth As We Know It, a podcast that is dedicated to recognizing the many different ways that birth unfolds. I am your host, Kiona Nessenbaum. I have experienced birth as a doula, a student midwife, a birth assistant, and as a mother of three amazing children of my own. After attending over 140 births, I've realized that each birth experience is truly unique. So make sure you subscribe and join me as we are guided through many different birth experiences through the lens of the storyteller. Please be aware that some of these stories can be triggering to hear. So feel free to pause, take a breath, and come back and listen whenever you're ready. With that said, let's prep ourselves to dive deep and get detailed about what really happens in the birth space.

Disclamer:

As a reminder, this podcast is intended for educational purposes only and has no intention of giving or replacing any medical advice. All advice that is given on the podcast is from the personal experiences of the storytellers. All medical or health-related questions should be directed to your licensed provider.

Kiona:

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Birth As We Know It podcast. Today, I am excited to have on my sister, Monet Muntrath, once again, because she has had a wonderful thing happen to her yet again. And she just gave birth to my niece earlier this year. So without giving away all of the details, Monet, welcome back to the Birth As We Know It podcast.

Monae:

Hello, hello. Glad to be back.

Kiona:

I am super excited to dive into this because I know that your birth with Theodora, my niece, was way different than with Soren. Well, I can't even say the words way different. I just know that it was quicker for sure. So

Monae:

yeah.

Kiona:

Before we dive into the birth, let's go ahead and dive into the conception process with Theo. Was Theo planned? Was she an accident? Was she super intentional? Was it hard, easy? Tell me all the things.

Monae:

She was not a happy accident. She was very planned. I mean, planned as much as you can plan anything. I feel like I've said that before. This time around, we had planned for Theo in June that we would start trying and it took five months to conceive baby girl.

Kiona:

And how long did it take to conceive Soren?

Monae:

Three.

Kiona:

Okay.

Monae:

Yeah. So I mean, you with anyone that's trying to have a little baby, it's if it doesn't happen the first time, start to panic regardless. I mean, it could be one month. It could be 12 months. It could be, you know, anything in between. You're always just like, oh my God, like, is there something wrong with me? And you just get high stressed.

Kiona:

Yeah. Yeah. And that stress definitely contributes to the possibility of conception because your body responds to it.

Monae:

Yeah. Yeah. And you keep telling yourself like, don't be stressed out. But definitely, yeah, I was getting stressed after the third month. I was like, oh my God, maybe we're going to have to try IVF here pretty soon. Because I've heard from our friends that did try IVF, they talked to a doctor and the doctor was like, you know, don't wait till six months, like come in as soon as you're having a hard time. Could be because they're trying to make money. But also, you know, that's just in the back of my mind when we were trying to conceive as well. But yeah. So five months.

Kiona:

Five months is definitely a good chunk of time. And so when you found out you were pregnant this time, what were your thoughts, feelings, and emotions? And how did you find out?

Monae:

Oh, yeah. I mean, leading up to that, sorry, I totally skipped this. Like, you had given me a lot of extra, what are they called?

Kiona:

Ovulation and pregnancy tests.

Monae:

Yes. Ovulation and pregnancy tests. Yeah. You gave me a bunch. So when we decided that we were going to try, those were my best friend. I mean, I was doing that. I was tracking my ovulation on my phone. I was like, you know, just peeing on the ovulation stick just to make sure that I ovulating or I wasn't ovulating. So I was doing that. And I think that's why I was getting a little bit stressed out too, because my reaction to peeing on the ovulation sticks was just as intense as peeing on the pregnancy test. Because I'm like, oh, I'm not ovulating yet. And then every day I'm like, is there two lines on here? Like, am I ovulating or not? So when we did find out, so it was, I took the ovulation. I was like, oh my God, I'm ovulating. We're doing this tonight. And then shortly after, I mean, I must've found out that I was pregnant like two days after I was pregnant or even like the day of, because I was just like, you know, I was peeing on these pregnancy tests every day after basically. And then there was just like a faint, just the faintest line. And I was like, I had zoomed in with my eyes. I'm bringing it straight to my face. And I was like, is that two lines? I was like, it's two lines. You know, even the faintest line, it's like, oh, you're pregnant. I ran downstairs and I told Sam, I was like, work. It happened. And he was like, whoa. I mean, so he was like, all right, here we go. And then, you know, a week after I took that pregnancy test, I took it again, just to make sure that the line was significantly brighter. And then I also peed on a stick. I said, "You're pregnant". Just so I can figure out how long it was. And it says,"You're one to two weeks pregnant". That was a week after I took the first pregnancy test. So I was like, oh, I must have been like, you know, I was tracking for reals. So yeah, I was like, "All right, we're pregnant".

Kiona:

That's really cool. So how long did you wait to tell people that you were pregnant this time?

Monae:

I don't remember. I don't remember. I really don't.

Kiona:

I know you knew for sure that you were pregnant cause you, um, I'm trying to think, cause if it took you five months, I'm trying to do calculations with conception cause you told us at the cabin in December.

Monae:

Oh, for Christmas.

Kiona:

Mhm.

Monae:

That's right. I did. Cause I was like, I don't even remember telling you guys I was pregnant. No, yeah. So it was like that Christmas surprise with the Christmas card. Um, it had been, we found out in September.

Kiona:

Got it.

Monae:

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kiona:

Mhm.

Monae:

So we found out that we were pregnant, wait June, July, August, September, October. No, we found out in October. So it was like, you know, we were.

Kiona:

About the eight week, nine week mark.

Monae:

Yeah. Yeah.

Kiona:

When you found out you were pregnant with your second child. What were your thoughts when it came to Soren? Were you excited for him to be a big brother? Were you nervous? Were you afraid that you couldn't love another baby the same? Like what were your thoughts?

Monae:

Oh, um, not nervous for Soren, um, not even really excited for Soren. More of like kind of sad that he has to share us with somebody else. But then, you know, the back of our heads were just like, you know, we love him so much that. I mean, it's alarming to love one little thing as much as we do. And I was just, we even thought we need to probably bring in another little partner for him, a little human. And then just for us to kind of spread the love because we didn't want to, like air quotes, spoil him with our love. Um, because I mean, it could happen. I mean, he could be a good spoiled, but still nonetheless spoiled. And then, you know, single kids, they're kind of weirdos anyways. In our minds as, you know, people that grew up with siblings, uh, individual children to parents are weirdos. Uh, we didn't want Soren to be a weirdo, but again, definitely felt a little bit sad for him because he had to share us,

Kiona:

yeah,

Monae:

but excited to experience the newborn phase again, to experience just like bringing another life into the world again. So, yeah.

Kiona:

Yeah, no, I understand that for sure. Like it's, it's an interesting balance, right? Like you're sad because you no longer have that direct one-on-one relationship. Like you still have a single relationship with Soren, but it's different because you are spread thin. So you can't be that person for him. Every moment he needs something. Cause you're like, I know, baby, I love you, but I have to change your sister's diaper right now. Right? No, baby.

Monae:

Yeah.

Kiona:

But I need to breastfeed daddy's going to give you your lunch today, you know?

Monae:

Yeah. Yeah.

Kiona:

And so it's, it's definitely like a bittersweet feeling. Um, and I think a lot of parents go through that transition of adjusting to being parents of more than one kiddo.

Monae:

Yeah. But that's, yeah. So that was like our mindset. When we decided to bring another life into the world is just shower him with as much love as we have been and really enjoy him in the moments that we could enjoy him before, you know, Theo came into the world. And then it is like now after the fact it is, I do get a little envious of Sam sometimes. And then sad my husband, uh, Sam, because I don't get to be with Soren, you know, throughout the day. It's going to make me

Kiona:

But

Monae:

sad. get to hang out with Well,

Kiona:

you're going to make me cry because because I know,

Monae:

well, it's sad just thinking about it. Cause you know, I mean, he, he gets, I mean, I would like, he's really smart. So it's like, he's, he probably notices that I'm not around as much. And then Sam is like, you know, his, um, main parent right now, but he also is just happy, you know, to be hanging out with somebody, regardless of his mom or dad. And I just get to like hear him playing downstairs or like, um, Sam is dropping him off at daycare and I don't get to be in those moments with him as much as I used to be. So it's kind of sad, but I get over it, you know, cause he's having a good time. He's not like, you know, depressed or sad or anything. It's just me being like, Oh, my husband is to enjoy all of our sons still. And, you know, I'm over here with baby, but again, I get to enjoy baby. And Sam is with downstairs with a crazy toddler that's like, wake up dad, when he's trying to sleep. So it's just like, just life. Right.

Kiona:

Definitely a transition. And it's a hard

Monae:

Yeah.

Kiona:

transition because a lot of the times we do as like outsiders or people that are not parents themselves to multiple children, they view this as really focusing on the emotions of the child, you know, in that new edition. But I think that it's important that you mentioned it is very sad because I can relate to that and having that feeling of sadness of being like, I don't get to partake in the things I used to partake in all the time. All the time anymore. It is sad. But then you do know that it's part of this transition and you love Theo as well, but it's just tough. You know, it's like tough in the aspect of needing to just direct your time and energy at this moment right now to someone else.

Monae:

Yeah. And then to kind of counter that, sometimes when I need a little bit of Soren love, I leave screaming baby with, with dad so I can go snuggle Soren or read him, read him a book. And then I just hear Theo's crying right off

Kiona:

Yeah.

Monae:

because she's probably hungry.

Kiona:

Yeah. And then Sam will give her the nice shushes as he rocks her until you get back.

Monae:

Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Kiona:

Yeah. Okay. So now that we've gone through some of that emotional transition into a parent of two, let's talk about what your pregnancy was like with Eadora. Was it drastically different? Did you feel any major differences? Like give us some of those details.

Monae:

In the beginning, in the beginning, it was very different. Towards the end, it kind of teetered to be very similar to how it was with Soren. But for example, for Soren, I had really very minimal symptoms. If you listened to my episode before, it was very easy. That's how I described my pregnancy with Soren, very easy. It was uncomplicated. This pregnancy was very unremarkable as well, but the beginning hit me hard. I think month in, that's when I felt your very basic new mom pregnancies and Googling it, doing research again. This is sometimes people feel very different in their second pregnancy versus their first, or sometimes people feel worse in their first and their second. I definitely am a second time worst pregnancy person. And yeah, so I mean, I had first trimester nausea. I mean, I got, I thought I was sick because one night I just had this feeling of I needed to really just vomit. And then I just, I laid it out. I basically just projectile vomit into the toilet. And I was like, I'm dying. And I said, this cannot be the pregnancy. Like I thought it was sick. And then I was bedridden for a day, but the next day I was fine. But the pregnancy took me out. Trimester one, I was like, it made me think maybe I'm having twins because this is crazy. Or maybe this is definitely a girl and not a boy because this is way different than my first pregnancy. So I was definitely leaning towards I'm having a girl or I'm having twins because this is insane. And then later on it became easier. I mean, yeah, I mean, I even had bloody gums in the first trimester, which I didn't have until the last month of my first pregnancy. So it's just everything. It, to me, I describe it as picking up exactly where I left off. Because my body's like, hey, we've done this. Here you go.

Kiona:

Right. Man. Yeah. I remember you talking about that like vomit situation because you were just like laying in bed or something. And you're like, I think I'm going to throw up. And then you just get up and.

Monae:

Oh yeah.

Kiona:

Yeah.

Monae:

Barely made it to the bathroom.

Kiona:

Yeah. That's crazy.

Monae:

It was disgusting. Yeah. So I was like, yeah, something's happening. This baby's crazy. She's killing me at the, at the moment it, or they are killing me.

Kiona:

Yeah,

Monae:

no, it was she, she or, she or them.

Kiona:

Yeah.

Monae:

Yeah.

Kiona:

So how far into your pregnancy did you find out that you were having a girl?

Monae:

When we did the blood test.

Kiona:

Okay. So you did the NIPT test, which is like that.

Monae:

Yeah.

Kiona:

Invasive paternity testing.

Monae:

They asked us, do you want to know the gender? And I said, yes, definitely. Tell me.

Kiona:

Mm hmm.

Monae:

I also wanted to make sure I was only one.

Kiona:

Mm hmm.

Monae:

Because like, if there is testosterone in there and you guys told me as a girl, then there's two. But yeah, that's when we found out we were having a girl. And that's when everyone found out we were having a girl because I took a screenshot.

Kiona:

Pass it along.

Monae:

Yeah.

Kiona:

I do think though, that is an interesting thing to bring up is like, when you do a blood test, it's not going to tell you if you have multiples just based

Monae:

No.

Kiona:

off the sex. Like you still could have had two girls and be pregnant with twins.

Monae:

You're right. Well, no, because at that point I already had my ultrasound.

Kiona:

Yeah, that's right. So you did have your ultrasound, but if there was any Y chromosome in there, it just would have been a boy instead of a girl.

Monae:

Yeah. Yeah.

Kiona:

Yeah. Well, you got yourself a girl.

Monae:

Mm hmm.

Kiona:

Theodora.

Monae:

Theodora Rose, yes.

Kiona:

And how did you come up with her name?

Monae:

Uh, so, before Sorin was born, we- and this is hilarious- so Theodora, I mean, it's a very- it's a- it's a common name. I mean, it's a known name. It's not uncommon. I- we were watching, um, Haunting on Hill House and the daughter's name- they called her Theo, but her name is Theodora. And I was like, hmm, I like Theo. But we've already picked out our- our boy name, and it was gonna start with an S. And I said, if we're gonna have a girl, we'll name her Theodora. And if we have a boy, we'll name him Theodore. So we can name- because I like the nickname Theo. And so regardless of what our second was gonna be, their nickname would have been Theo. And then Rose is my, uh, maternal grandma's middle name. And I thought Theodora Rose fit together.

Kiona:

So tell me what it was like near the end of your pregnancy and did you do anything different to prepare for your labor this time?

Monae:

Um, so towards the end of my pregnancy, it was just uncomfortable. You're very- your typical, like, third trimester uncomfortableness. Um, sleeping was uncomfortable, but I didn't really- I think the last two weeks, three weeks, I had, like, insomnia sporadically. It was more of insomnia, I think, like, once a week or something. And it was annoying. Um, but again, they're just like, it's your body getting- like, preparing you for this baby. And so I had a little bit of insomnia. And then to prepare, I definitely was not preparing, uh, for this pregnancy because I was thinking, oh, I've done this before. I kind of know what to do, but, you know, I'm having this baby. This is round two. Um, but then again, you know, listening to everyone in the podcast, the women in the podcast, especially ones that transition into the birthing world, they talk about how they should have prepared to kind of, you know, you can never prepare too much, right? Um, and then, so just going based off of what I've heard women say in the podcast, I was like, you know what, maybe I should be, because I prepared- I was physically preparing, but I wasn't mentally preparing. And so I decided, like, I took a month off of before baby was here. And I decided to really just cram, cram in that last month of just updating my knowledge about, you know, the baby coming and then like really prepare myself, trying to mentally prepare myself to like push and deliver and coping mechanisms. But, um, just because I, I really, the, my first pregnancy, I was preparing and I was over preparing. And then, um, this pregnancy, I really wasn't preparing at all. So the last month I was just like cramming for an exam that was going to take basically. And so that's how I did. I just crammed. I took a lot of virtual classes. I think four virtual classes. Yeah. In the last month. Yeah. It was crazy. I mean, and it's still, I mean, it's good to get a refresher because it's just, oh, it's all the same information and all of these classes really overlap again with the same information. Um, so it was just good to refresh, get a refresh and kind of figure out what I wanted to do. And really just, again, mentally prepare. Cause that's what I was nervous about. I was like, okay, I feel like I don't want to go like make it to game day and be like, I forgot all the rules. And, um, and I didn't want to go in and being like, okay, I know what to do. And then just blank, not figure out, not know.

Kiona:

Yeah.

Monae:

So that's what I did.

Kiona:

For those that want to hear the first birth story that you shared on the podcast of your first child, Soren, it is episode 20. And I think that that would be a really great episode to listen to either before or after this episode, because it will give as listeners context as to what you were fearful of this time around. I remember during your pregnancy, we had talked a little bit about how you were fearful of the pushing part because of what you felt when you were pushing Soren. So how did you mentally prepare for that this time? Was there anything that you kind of had to talk yourself through?

Monae:

It's more of being nervous, not fearful, just nervous because I can mentally remember pushing out Soren and I was literally talking to myself. I felt like a crazy person. Um, I just, I talk to myself a lot. I was really like my own coach in my head. And I was just, you know, you can do this, you can do this. And then I, like you, you can hear on the first podcast, those words were starting to be like vocalized. Like I was saying them out loud at some points because I, my thoughts were just going crazy. I needed to say it out loud so I can hear myself instead of just like hear myself in my head this time around. I think in the beginning I was hesitant to push. I was really keeping my body from getting to that stage.

Kiona:

Uh,

Monae:

when we got to the hospital,

Kiona:

let's talk about your labor, but let's start from the beginning because I do want to talk about this pushing hesitation, but let's talk about the moment that day that I was learning about that, you realize that you're in labor, that you realized that you were in labor and your labor was much shorter this time. So, that's also something to take into consideration.

Monae:

Yeah, and it's funny because, for this labor, I have several people in my life, friends, acquaintances, that have had multiple kids. And one of my friends was definitely telling me it happens very quick, she was giving me kind of a timeline. So, the day that I went into labor, I was just recanting what she was telling me and I'm like, this is going to happen quick. So, even though I didn't feel like it was going to happen fast, I was just dishing out orders, basically, to Sam. Being like,"Okay, it's this time, I think you should go now. It's this time, you should go now. You should do this. We need to get the car ready. I think we should leave." Basically, those things. Just because I was going off the timeline that she kind of gave to me, we'll just fearful of that timeline to a point where I even texted me and I was like,"I don't know if I go to the hospital, if they're going to turn me away, but I'm going to go anyway, just to check." Just because, mentally, I was like,"It's going to go fast. I just need to prepare." I don't want it to get into the danger zone, basically, of not getting to the hospital on time. Because that was definitely something that I was nervous about, is having a home birth and not preparing to have a home birth. Or delivering in the car because, I don't know, I've heard stories from your end where like, "Oh, they barely made it to the hospital." And I was just, I was really cautious in that sense to not be in an emergency situation where I'm outside and I'm pushing a baby out. So, I think all of those were in my mind when I found out that I was in labor. And when I was actually in labor, so it started around 9, but this time was very different than my first time. Because the first time I was in labor, I had full body contractions. Definitely very similar my abdomen pain where it felt like a full body cramp. And this time around, this time around, it was around 9am and I felt a cramp, but it was lower. Like my lower abdomen only. And that's why I was like, "Is that a cramp? I don't know." And unfortunately for me, I think I just have 5 to 10 minute contractions every time. That's also something I was nervous about. I did not like having contractions every 5 to 10 minutes my first time around. Same exact thing this time around. 5 to 10 minutes, I was having a contraction the whole time I was in labor, which is bothersome.

Kiona:

They never got closer for you?

Monae:

Well, maybe towards the end it was like 3 to 5 minutes apart. But in the beginning, it's like 5 to 10 minutes. And that time changed if I was moving around because I did tell you I get a longer break if I'm laying down versus if I'm walking around. And so I felt something under my belly, lower abdomen. And I was like, "Hmm, is that a contraction? I'm not sure." And then it happened again, like 10 minutes later. I was like, "Okay." But at that point, I forgot about it. And I was like, "Oh, is that a contraction again?" And then the third time, I was like, "Oh, this might be a contraction. I don't know." It was like slightly uncomfortable, but not nearly enough to be like, "Oh, that's a contraction." I'm like,"Maybe these are Braxton Hicks. I don't know." And my mucus plug was not gone. That's why I was also confused because the first time around I lost my mucus plug and then I started having contractions almost like an hour later. This time, no mucus plugs. I was like, "Maybe these are Braxton Hicks." And I was telling Sam, I was like, "Oh, I don't know." Because I got Soren up. And then Sam was sleeping in the guest room because I snore a lot when I'm pregnant. So he was taking a break and he was sleeping in the guest room. So I went in there with Soren after I got him up. We were hanging out. And I was like, "Yeah, I think I might be having contractions, but I don't know." I was like,"I'll keep you He was like,"Okay." And then I just went about my day-ish, still having these things. And then we had a guest come over and I'm like, "I don't know. I think I'm having contractions, but who knows." But at this point, I'm like, "If I am having contractions, I need to make sure my go bag is ready. I want to make sure that this house is kind of clean because if it's go time, I just want to come back to a clean house."

Kiona:

So

Monae:

I was doing a little bit of stuff just in preparation, like this might be something. And I think around 11, I was like, "Okay, I just want to lay down a little bit because at this point it was like, ugh." Like it was bothersome, like annoying bothersome. And I was like, "Okay, maybe if I just lay down, they'll go away." I was like, "This has to be contractions." And then I started to notice a little bit of a mucus plug come out. Not even, it was like a tinge of pink. I'm like, "Okay, these are contractions." And then I was telling Sam, "All right, you know what? Maybe we should get sore and ready because I'm starting to feel a little crampy." But again, lower abdomen pain. It never went to full body, so that was very different. It was really just under my belly, low abdominal pain. More like pelvic pain, I guess, not like soreness, but

Kiona:

we

Monae:

cramps. It was strange. And then I was telling Sam, I was like, "You know what? Maybe it's time for you to take Soren to my parents." Because he was going to my parents' house, our firstborn. And I was like, okay, maybe you could take him because I don't want it to be too late. And at this point I had called the midwifery center where I was supposed to deliver. And they said, well, you know, if you're having slight cramps, like just, if anything changes, let us know you feel any pain, if whatever they had said, there's like three or four other things. And I was like, okay, but I hung up and I was very confused because pain is different for each person. They're like, if it becomes painful, give us a call back or like head in. And I'm like, well, I don't know what other people's tolerance to pain is, I was telling someone, I was like, I don't know what they mean by pain, oh, and another one is if you can't talk through your contractions. So at this point, I was always counting to see if I can talk through my contractions because they lasted about 25 to 30 seconds. So I would count up to that point. And, I could talk through every single contraction that I've had the whole time I was in labor. So I was like, okay, that was dumb to even say if I can talk, but the first time it would have made more sense because I couldn't really talk during some of these contractions during my first time. But this time around I was really actively talking, but there was one point where I was kind of just like counting and kind of dozing off a little bit, but also still counting, getting lost in my head. And I was like, like that. And I was like, Oh, maybe that was pain. And that's when I was like, okay, I think it's time for you to take Zorin to my parents' house. Cause I think that gets considered pain. but that only happened a couple of times and it didn't happen until I was delivering. but then I was like, yeah, that's a good transition point for me. I

Kiona:

But,

Monae:

guess I, it was just a guess. And Sam's like, okay. So he got everything ready. He took Zorin. Thankfully he did leave around 12 because it took him two hours to get back. Because it was Friday.

Kiona:

Traffic. Yeah.

Monae:

I was like, well, thank God you left. Cause he was like, Oh, I'm not going to be back till two. I was like, Oh wow. Good. Good thing. And you left then because who knows how long it would have taken you to get back. And so anyways, I was having contractions here and I thought, you know what? I haven't eaten at all today and I'm kind of hungry. So maybe I should get up and go get some food. And so I was making food and I was talking to my brother-in-law cause he was here at the time because he was coming to drop stuff off. My husband's like, don't leave just in case there's an emergency. Well, I was annoyed by that because I was like, okay, well now I'm feeling like I'm having contractions and I'm going downstairs to make myself lunch. And now I feel like I can't have a contraction downstairs without him freaking out. So I was like pretending not to have contractions while I was making myself a sandwich, but then I'm like leaning over the counter and I'm like, do you want a sandwich? You want me to make you a sandwich? And he's like, no, I'm fine. I was like, okay, you don't have to stay here. Cause like in between contractions, I'm like, Oh yeah, you don't have to stay. Like, it's totally fine. I'm fine. And plus he lived super far North. So I didn't want him to get stuck in traffic for him leaving. And so eventually he was like, yeah, okay, if you're fine, I'm going to leave. So he was leaving and I was like, thank God. So I'm like leaning on the counter. I'm like, Oh, I can have like an actual contraction, without worrying about being in my space. But then I also didn't want to go through my whole laboring upstairs. Like I did last time. I was like, maybe I can walk around, get some air, not stay in like a little cave. But after I made my sandwich, I came back upstairs because this was my comfort zone into my bedroom. And then I couldn't even eat. I had like two bites and I couldn't even eat it. And I'm like, yeah, I'm in labor for sure. Cause I can't even eat. And I'm trying to force myself to eat the sandwich. Sam comes home. It's two o'clock. He was home for probably two hours ish. He's tired because he's been up all day with Soren since like five in the morning. He's been through traffic down. So he's laying down and I'm laying down and he's trying to fall asleep. So I let him sleep for like 45 minutes ish. And I'm just still thinking in my head, like, when's a good time to go? And that's just me in my head thinking, I don't want it to be too late. I don't want to get to the midwifery center too early because I don't want to get pushed away. Right. I mean, this time it's only 20 minutes away. So I wasn't thinking about traffic. Um, and I'm just thinking, oh, it's still 20 minutes away. I don't want to drive all the way over there because I hate being in the car when I'm like in labor and then have to come back home. So I'm just thinking of all this and then I have a contraction, but then I start to feel pressure on my butt, which I didn't feel the first time around. It immediately concerned me. I didn't feel like I had to push. Didn't feel like I had to go number two, which like triggered some alarm bells. And I'm like, you know what? I'd rather be safe than sorry. go to the midwifery center, get checked and be like, Oh, Hey, it's not even time for you to come in or be like, Oh, Hey, you know, you're five centimeters dilated. Come on in. I'd rather get turned away at this point than have an emergency. So Sam's getting everything ready, go into the car. I sit in the back this time. It's another front seat because I wanted to lay kind of down on my side. Cause I did not like sitting up and, uh, we got a towel, put it down. Car ride was hell again. It was the worst thing ever. I absolutely hated it, but I was trying to also be not as judgmental of Sam's driving because it's not his fault. And we took the back roads too. So we weren't even on the freeway and it took 20 minutes, so it was still good. But thankfully, we had no traffic, 'cause it was four o'clock at this point, 4: 30, and I'm like, "Wow." Got the midwifery center, they give you like these steps to get into the door and stuff, and we are calling them and then they're just taking a long time. We get to the second door and they're taking their sweet time to get to the second door, and I'm having like, I had two contractions at this point. I'm like, "What do they not care?" And I'm having contractions out here and I'm standing up, I like, I kind of leaned over and I'm like, "Oh, they just don't care about me." I'm just out here having contractions and they don't just want to take their sweet time to open the door. Anyway, so they let us in, and they get me to the triage room, and the midwife checks me. Very forcefully, I feel, I'm like,"Dang." She was just up in there and I'm like, "Wow." Be gentle.

Kiona:

Right.

Monae:

But she was like, "Whoa." you're nine centimeters and nine centimeters and something. It was nine plus one something. It wasn't like one inch, it was like one fold, one something, whatever they were saying.

Kiona:

Nine centimeters plus one station.

Monae:

Something like that.

Kiona:

It's a pelvic bone placement of where baby's head is.

Monae:

Zero

Kiona:

is like even, right? Like, it's not beyond your sit bones and plus one is like the next level out, which means she's prepping to come into the world.

Monae:

Oh, yeah, yeah. So it was that. So they were like, "Whoa." And then she was telling us like,"Well, unfortunately, you can't give birth at the military center," which was annoying because wanted to try to give birth. I get a different birthing experience versus the first time, which was in a hospital with a midwife, which is still beautiful and great. I loved it. No complaints. This time I was like, "Maybe we should try a midwifery center." More natural, more calming. Just to avoid, "Oh my baby." Just to have a different experience because giving birth at the midwifery center, you didn't need to be hooked up to an IV. You didn't need to do all these extra things. No beeping of the alarms and everything. You could leave after six hours, six to 12 hours, instead of staying 24 hours. So that's the experience that we wanted, and we couldn't get because they didn't have enough nurses at the time. And be it, I was four days after my due date.

Kiona:

I still feel like you being four days after your due date shouldn't determine whether or not you're able to get the birth experience that you want.

Monae:

Yeah. Yeah. I definitely felt like they should have had more staff. Just...

Kiona:

Yeah. And you called ahead of time. Like they could have told you.

Monae:

Yeah. Well they did. Yeah. And they also sent a voicemail, which I didn't get. And they were like, "Hey, we don't have staff. Go straight to the emergency room." Because it was across the bridge. Because the midwifery center is connected to the hospital. Just in case there's any emergencies, you can just go to the emergency room. They're like, "Hey, check in at the emergency room. We don't have the people." I didn't get it. I showed up anyways. And they let me in. And they're like,"Oh yeah." But they're like,"Hey, we don't have enough staff for you to deliver here. So unfortunately, you know, we have to take you over to the labor and delivery place at the hospital." I was like, "No worries." And they're like, "By the way, you're nine centimeters dilated, so we got to get you in now." She was cool, calm and collected. And then I felt like this is exaggerating. And it's not as it was. But after she left the triage room, it's basically like hearing their little shoes squeaking all over the place. Because they're

Kiona:

"We got to get going

Monae:

like,

Kiona:

right now.

Monae:

And we got to get going. She's going to deliver this baby."

Kiona:

Yeah.

Monae:

They were just like, I can hear her just talking really quickly to people. And she's on the phone. And she's like, "I'll be back in two minutes." And then she's like, like she's rushing off. She's like, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

Kiona:

blah, blah,

Monae:

blah,

Kiona:

blah, blah."

Monae:

People are like, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." Like yelling down the hallway. And I'm like, "Oh, wow."

Kiona:

I like you can't hear them beyond the curtain.

Monae:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just like, "Okay, so this is serious." I mean, I didn't feel like I was going to deliver right now. But they were just like, don't want you to give birth in the elevator." I was in there for max 10 minutes. They were coming in and out and giving me paperwork and stuff. Not to sign or anything, but giving me stuff to take with me. And this nurse, she's like, And Sam's like, "Okay, I'm going to go get some stuff out of the car." And she's like, "You better run, because we're going to leave here." And then they actually wheeled me out. They were going to leave him. And then if he tells his story, it's a whole thing about again, the doors are locked. So when he left to go get some stuff and come back, they weren't letting him in. Because they are like,"We don't know you. We haven't seen you." He's like, "I was just in there. My wife is in there." They're like, "What's her name? She's not on the list." And they were just like,"But yeah, it was a whole thing." He was very upset about it. But when he got in, we were at the elevator. So he just came to the elevator and went up with us. But they were pushing fast. She was like basically speed walking with me. through these little floor bumps.

Kiona:

Mm-hmm.

Monae:

You're going between doors. I'm like... She's like, going so fast. I'm like, "Damn!" Yeah.

Kiona:

You're just like, like when you're driving in a car and going over a speed bump and it's just like, oh, go, go. Like

Monae:

Yeah.

Kiona:

extra, no not

Monae:

The

Kiona:

done

Monae:

speed

Kiona:

at all.

Monae:

bump. Yeah. No, she's just like, "We got to get you to do it. We got to get to delivery." And I'm like, okay, Jesus I mean, obviously, I exaggerated because it's not that bad, but that's how it felt, especially being as pregnant as I was, and as far along as I was, it felt like she just, I flew over a speed bump, and I was just like, hanging on for dear life, Jesus,

Kiona:

oh

Monae:

But

Kiona:

gosh.

Monae:

she was, yeah, they were moving, which is so funny, I'm like, oh, dang, okay, I guess it is go time. So we get checked in, we check in about 4.45 or something like that, and she was born at 624. Thankfully, I didn't have to get an IV. So they tried to make it as similar an experience to giving birth in the midwifery center as they could, so I didn't have to get an IV. They asked me if I wanted an IV, and I was like, no, and they're like, okay, well, we still have to ask your midwife. She was like, no, she doesn't need IV. I was like, great, and then I was there for probably 30 minutes, and because I was 9 centimeters dilated, they had asked me if I wanted to have my waters broken, and I was immediately offended that they even asked me that, because I was like, no, like, I'm 9 centimeters. I've been here for 30 minutes, like, almost, like, probably 45 minutes to an hour at this point. I'm like, no, I don't want my water broken. Like, it's going to break. And then my midwife came in, and they're like, oh, but, like, I think she, the nurse at the time was trying to also let the midwife know that they had asked me if I wanted my waters broken, but it ended up being, like, a second time of asking me back-to-back if I wanted my water broken, and I was like, no, I don't want my water broken, and I want it to break naturally, and thanks for asking again. So that made me annoyed. But also at this point, my contractions were definitely significant. I didn't realize, but I was still counting out loud. If I can breathe, that became my coping mechanism, counting through my contractions. But I was also, was laying down because I was more comfortable laying down, because, like I told you, my contractions were farther apart if I was laying down, even though I was having very frequent contractions. so when I got there, I found, like, a good spot that I can have my contractions and lay down, and they're talking to me. But I noticed that because I was so far along, they were just like, hey, we're just waiting on you. Like, you let us know when you need to push. And that was, like, the motto, like, let us know when you're ready to push. I'm like, okay, I will. Not yet. But then I realized after, because I was just looking back, you know, it's like when someone is as far along as I am, they're just like, you know, it was me basically holding it up. Like, I was, like, prolonging this, the inevitable, basically. And I realized that at one point. I'm like, okay. Because I was like, you know, the next stage is pushing. So I'm just like, no, I'm just going to stay right here for a second, because this is comfortable. Or I'm going to walk around, or I'm going to do this. And they're like, well, let us know when you're ready. It's just on you now. And then I realized I was getting annoyed with them telling me that. But then I was like, you know, it is. I guess I was like, it is me. I can do, I can be doing things to help this go along. I'm so far along. I can do something. And so I was like, okay, it's like, man, maybe I should just change. Like, I changed it to my delivery gown. And I had a couple more contractions. And then they asked me if I wanted to have my water broken. I was like, no. And they're like, well, you know, maybe you can sit on the toilet. And I was like, okay, you know what? first I'm going to try to poop, because I feel like I have to poop. And if my water breaks, it breaks. And then, you know, it's go time. But if I have to poop, I don't want to poop later. I want to poop now. So I went in, and they were like, okay, go sit on the toilet. But I sat on the toilet, like, regularly instead of turned around. Yeah. And they were like, okay, do you want the door open or closed? I was like, I'm not open. Then I was like, I think I'm going to go poop. So I started to close the door a little bit, get some privacy. And then I got up. And I was like, okay. And then I had, like, one or two contractions out of the restroom. the midwife came in. She was like, you know, let us know when you're ready to push. And I was like, okay, maybe I'm just doing some squat things. So I started, like, having a contraction, but, like, leaning left and right. And then did a little squat to kind of, like, help the contraction come along. And then I did a little squat again and did a little contraction. And then I was like, okay, maybe I'm going to sit on the toilet again. But this time, I'm going to do it opposite. And really, because when I was doing the squats, I was like, maybe, you know, I can help, like, push. Because last time, when my water broke, I kind of did a contraction and push. So I was like, if I'm going to do that, I want to sit on the toilet because I don't want to spill all over the place. So I sat on the toilet, had a contraction. And then Sam came in and we were talking. And then I had another contraction and then my water broke. And it wasn't as dramatic as the first time. Because the first time it was, like, pop, like an explosion. This time, it just felt like I pushed a bubble of water out. I was like, oh, my water broke. Great. And then I was talking to Sam. then I had, I was like, okay, another contraction is coming. And I'm still on the toilet. And I had a contraction. But then this time I, like, uncontrollably pushed during the traction. I was like, ooh. I was like, oh, snaps. I just pushed. I was like, I just pushed a little bit. She's like, okay, maybe let's get off the toilet. And I'm like, okay, great. I was like, yeah, that's probably a good idea. So I get off the toilet. And, like, I'm walking to the bed. I was like, whoa, whoa. Because water is coming out still. And I'm like, whoa. Whoa. I was like, okay, there's still water coming out. She's like, it's okay, we'll clean it up. So I'm like walking, and water is just falling out of my vajayjay. It's going down my lake. I'm like making a stream of water. Not something that I experienced last time. She gets the midwife, so the midwife's coming in, they're like talking to me, and she's like, okay, well, you know, we heard that you pushed a little bit, so why don't you get yourself in a comfortable position? How do you want to start pushing? And I was like, what position should I do? She was like, what's up to you? I'm like, oh, great. Because I had all these ideas about how I wanted to push last time, because last time, the first time I pushed, I was all right back. There was different positions that I started, and the back ended up being the one that I went with. I didn't want to do the back again. it was really comfortable laying on the bed. I needed to at least relax, so I was like, maybe I'll lay on the bed and figure out which way I wanted to push. But I laid sideways, and I was like, can I try this way? She's like, yeah, do it. So I kind of laid sideways on my left side, and I ended up just perching my leg up enough to expose my bottom half. And that's how I pushed. And it was comfortable, too. So it was nice. I'm laying there. The idea for this delivery was Sam was going to catch her, just as he caught Soren. And that ended up not being the case. And he told me. what it was, was he was watching, and then he wasn't watching. He was by my side. And he said that he, one, didn't want to watch again, but also noticed that, I was really just grabbing onto the railing super hard. when I had a contraction, mostly just because the contraction was so intense, more pressure, less pain. He said, I just looked so alone. So he decided that he wanted to just be there. And he was like holding me and he was in my comfort space and really just, which I really appreciated, because it made a difference that he was next to me versus not. Yeah, so. I had my first push at 612. With every push that I did, water was coming out. Water was coming out up until she came out, which was very different. I was like, there's a lot of water in there. I even asked, I was like, is this normal for there to be this much water still coming out? They're like, yeah, yeah, this is normal. Cause it was just flowing like a waterfall. Like every contraction, every push, it was like, like water. I'm like, oh my Jesus. It made me feel uncomfortable. Right. Cause there's so much water coming out of my body. Um, and I couldn't even tell you how many times I pushed, but there was a point where it was challenging. I mean, it was, it was very hard. And, and the moment I was like, I don't ever want to do this again. Like I remembered, and I think I was trying to avoid this as long as I could. I was really trying to hold off on the pushing because I was like, yep, this is what I was expecting. And I was like, well, the only thing I can do now is like, help it go faster. I'm like, just keep pushing and it eventually will go away. And so I push, push. And then I start to feel the ring of fire. And that's when I was trying to make my face not scrunched. I'm like really going hard, trying to remember to keep my head down, which I did the whole time because of the way that I was laying. The only thing I could to get pressure was to put my chin down to my chest. And then I'm pushing and it's intense. The ring of fire is getting worse. And I'm just like, and at one point the midwife tells me to just slow down. She's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down, slow down. Let your body like naturally stretch, stretch because her head was like right there. I really appreciate this midwife because she was kind of, it felt like everything she was saying is what was happening to me. She was telling me like, you know, go ahead and give it a push. She was telling me like, you know, telling me to slow down because let my body naturally stretch. And at that point when I slowed down, I had a really like a significant break in my contractions because it was happening back to back at that point. And then there was a break. It felt like forever. Who knows how long it was, but it felt like I had a significant time and I was just kind of relaxing. And I even felt my body just relax. And she was telling me, she said, okay, it looks like you're relaxed now. And we just want to slow it down. And you're on. Your body is giving you this nice little break because your next contraction is going to be really intense and your baby's going to come out and probably two to three pushes afterwards. So I'm just like, no, but also yes. But I'm like, oh God. So I'm like, okay, take a break. I'm going to let the contraction come to me basically. Cause she's telling me all this. And I'm like, oh. Before that, she asked me a question that I don't even remember what she asked, but I had to think about it. But I could hear her asking me a question, and this is where it's good to have an advocate to really answer for you. Because I heard the question that she was asking me, but I couldn't vocalize it, and I was also thinking about it. And she asked me again, and because I was still processing it, I felt like I had to reprocess it because she asked me the question again. And I didn't know what I wanted at that time, or how I was feeling. I don't even remember what the question was. something that I wanted to do if I needed to do it, but I couldn't answer because I was thinking it. And she confused me by asking me again, so I had to reprocess it. And then she just didn't ask again. And then I just forgot. But she did ask if I wanted a warm compress in my butthole.

Kiona:

Mm-hmm.

Monae:

And I was like, yes. Immediately I was like, yes. She's like, okay. And it felt amazing too, because I was like, oh, like relief. And also, the first time I gave birth, the midwife eventually put her fingers. And put pressure in that area, like the perineum, butt area. Just counter pressure it with the baby coming out, which I thought was God's work. Because it was amazing. So when she asked if I wanted a warm compress, I was like, yes. And it was the same thing. It felt amazing because I didn't feel like my butthole was going to come out of my body.

Kiona:

Right.

Monae:

But anyway, so I had this break. And then a nurse, she comes to check baby's heartbeat. She's trying to find like the spot where she's at. And I feel like that triggered a contraction to happen. So I was very upset that she bothered me. But, I mean, the contractions came like bam, bam, bam. And God, it was awful. It was so awful. The first contraction was insane. Like, ring of fire exploding. Oh, during that break, the ring of fire subsided. Right. I almost couldn't feel it because it got to a terrible point. And then it went back to the beginning point, which I was like, oh, it was relief. But they're still pain. But it wasn't as crazy. So it felt fine-ish. And then it just came back full force. I pushed. And at this point, I'm really trying to just really push this baby out. I'm not asking for help this time mentally because I know that she's going to come I'm really just telling myself, push. I'm counting out loud, too, through my contractions. My face is going all kinds of crazy because I'm trying to keep it smooth, cool, calm, and collected. Not really. I'm really crunching down on my teeth. And then I'm trying to relax my face at the same time. And it must have been like her something was happening because it felt like I'm pushing Theo out. I feel like the midwife puts her hand inside my vagina, right? Because I'm like, hey, that feels like something from the outside world coming in. I was like, wait, wait, wait, stop, stop. I was telling her. I was like, no, no, stop. And then I'm pushing baby out, right? Baby's coming out. After I think she did that, and there was like one or two pushes left, and then baby came out. Baby came out at 624. Technically, I pushed for 12 minutes or something like that. I read my records because I was like, what is that, 15 minutes? I was like, how long was that? They're like, oh, it was less than 15 minutes. I was like, Jesus. It felt like forever. But it did feel fast. But it was 12 minutes of pushing, which is amazing because being in that zone, I would not wish it any longer than that. After I pushed Theo out, instant relief. It felt like all of the pain went away instantly. I was like, oh, thank God. And then as I'm feeling this euphoric-ness, they're talking to me. They're like, take the baby, take the baby, grab your baby. And they said it like three times. I'm like, oh, they're talking to me. So I take Theo. I put her on my chest, and then I'm like trying to like undo my little button so I can like put her skin on my skin because I'm still wearing my gown. And one of the nurses is like drying her, I think like vigorously because I'm like, lady, stop. They're like, I'm just cleaning her. And I'm like, oh, like clean her faster because I felt like the shoes are rubbing her skin off basically. And plus, I felt tugging. And come to find out my umbilical cord was really small. And the midwife actually had to pull it a little bit to keep baby up on my chest. So anytime the nurse is like wiping her, it's like tugging on my umbilical cord. So I'm feeling internal pain too. And I'm like, stop. She's like, I'm just cleaning your baby. I'm like, okay. But yeah, so baby was on me. She instantly cried instantly. She came out. She was like, she's a crier. So I was like, okay, this that's just like a foreshadowing to our future because she soaring didn't cry instantly, but she cried instantly. Like she came out. She's like, I was like, oh, her APGAR score was nine or seven and then nine. they were like, oh, she's good. She's good. And then I think I had her for like five minutes and she peed on me because I just started feeling warmth on my body. And at first I was like, what is that? The second time she peed, I was like, oh, she's peeing on me.

Kiona:

Mm-hmm.

Monae:

I'm like, "Oh great, we'll mark it off." I'm like,"Oh, okay." But yeah, it was fast, it was great. Sam has his experience and it's-- I think Sam had a beautiful experience too, um, because it was different than the first time. He wasn't so hyper-focused on this activity that he needed to do. It was something that he could just experience, be in the moment and experience it how he could experience it in his own way. He cut the umbilical cord and we waited until it stopped pulsing. feel like they really-- I delivered the placenta, but I think the midwife had to like, kind of, she was pulling on it a little bit before it came out. But it was also, like, 30 minutes or so after-- wait,

Kiona:

Mm.

Monae:

no, it wasn't, because the placenta came out before you got there.

Kiona:

Yeah, and I got there just 10 minutes late. Um,

Monae:

yeah, so I think it was right before you got there that I delivered the placenta and then she was like, "Do you want to see it?" and I was like,"No." We were both like, "No, Sam and I.

Kiona:

Yeah,

Monae:

take it away!" But she was concerned because she thought she may have seen a tear, that there might've been some placenta that was left over.

Kiona:

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Monae:

Uh, very small amount, so, that's something that they were just checking vigorously. She wasn't sure, but there wasn't any, I'm assuming, because I didn't have any blood clots or anything, and I'm here, so.

Kiona:

Yep. Oh, that's beautiful. Oh my

Monae:

Yeah,

Kiona:

gosh.

Monae:

oh, oh, before we finish, I did throw up again.

Kiona:

Oh! Okay. I

Monae:

did throw up again. Um, it was, before my water broke. I still had the monitors on, so it was like within the first, I think it was the tail end of the first 20 minutes that I was there.

Kiona:

Mm-hmm.

Monae:

Um, they had to keep the baby monitor on me.

Kiona:

Mm-hmm.

Monae:

To check her vitals for 20 minutes.

Kiona:

Yeah.

Monae:

Um, and it was before that came off, um, that I had violently threw up.

Kiona:

Mm-hmm.

Monae:

It was crazy too, I was like, I, I threw up in like three bags, back-to-back.

Kiona:

Oh, three?

Monae:

Yeah, I was like.

Kiona:

I

Monae:

was telling Sam, I was like, I need a bag, because I felt nauseous, right, the whole time. Towards, towards, I think, from the time that we left the house, I started feeling nausea, but then we were there and got checked in and stuff, and I just, yeah, I was like, oh! And I didn't lose my mucus plug until we got to the hospital.

Kiona:

Mm-hmm.

Monae:

Yeah, so I went to the bathroom right when we got there before I got into the triage room, and that's when I started losing my mucus plug. I was like, weird. I felt like everything was backwards.

Kiona:

Yeah. That's the thing is like every single pregnancy, labor, and birth is different. Like the mucus plug, even though a lot of people look at that as an indicator of labor has begun, truthfully, you can lose the mucus plug and not give birth for two weeks. Like it's, it's such an insane thing because your body regenerates the mucus plug just like it regenerates amniotic fluid. So if you continue to labor after your water broke, more water would have continued to come out. Like there's no end, right? There's, for some people, of course, depending on the amount of amniotic fluid that's in their body by the time they push a baby out, then there's not as much until like the baby's actually out. And then it's like, oh, okay, cool, cool. it comes to the birth, like hearing you talk about your labor and birth with Theo, it's actually so exciting for me because you have so much power in every part of this story. Like, even though there were parts where it was, I don't know, like you were second guessing and, you know, trying to figure out what you wanted to do. I love that you listened to your intuition and took like your body as a guide and your mental safety and comfort as a guide to decide what you were going to do. Because this time around, technically I was your doula, but also it was me wanting to respect your space. You had said, I don't know if we need you this time, but like, we'll let you know. And then like, I think it was like the weekend before you gave birth. You're like, yeah, I can come if you want, you know? And so I was like, okay. And then when you guys texted me saying you were on the way, and then when you told me that you were nine centimeters dilated, I was like, oh my gosh, she's going to have a baby right now. And I was in Seattle at the time. I was in Seattle and going to drive to Tacoma. And I was like, I'm not going to head your way until you say it's fine, because I did not want to just show up and have you be like, what are you doing in my birth room? You know, like, we don't need you right now. With all of that being said, even though Theo was already born, when I walked in the room and looked at you, you looked exhausted. But in addition to being exhausted, you looked so happy. And that was so good for me to see because Sam was also happy. And I was like, oh my gosh, you guys, she's here. And both of you were like, yeah, she's here. And like that moment, I was so proud of you guys for like just banding together and like accomplishing your goal of having this unmedicated birth, even though things didn't end up being as you desired it to be with like your birth location. Technically, it was still this experience where you got the most out of what you could in the situation.

Monae:

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Kiona:

So I, I love that so much. And yeah, as soon as I got onto the labor delivery floor and they let me pass the first, um, set of locked doors, I was like, oh, I'm here for my sister. I heard Theo crying and I was like, there, she's here. Ah, and it was so cute. You're like, yep. And like everybody that I was walking past or like, you know, cause the labor war there has only so many nurses. I think there's like four on that little ward. Um, all of them had been in your room at one point for the birth and they were like, she did so great. She's such a, like, she did amazing. She's so strong. And I was like, that's fantastic. So it was, it was just really awesome to, to see their expressions, but also to primarily see you and Sam just happy and just like, oh, we did it. You know, like that balance of exhaustion and excitement. I thought it was so cool to see.

Monae:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was definitely a good experience. And I do, I mean, I was also texting you the whole time.

Kiona:

I know, which is why I was confused.

Monae:

very

Kiona:

I don't know.

Monae:

But we, yeah, we were very confused. I was like, I don't know if we need you yet. Like, don't leave work. We're just going to go get checked out. I don't know if I'm going to get turned away or not. And then I was like, well, they just said I'm nine centimeters and we're going to labor and delivery now.

Kiona:

Mm-hmm.

Monae:

Which is crazy to think too, because that's still something that I think is just mind blowing because from the point that I started labor until I went like to get checked, I didn't feel like I went from zero to nine. Right. I didn't feel like when I got there that I was nine centimeters at all, which is crazy. And then to think that, you know, I was going to give birth and like an hour and a half later after checking in, I was like, no, I had no idea. I thought I had more time, but I'm glad I was really just, I was on point with everything. I was like, okay, I told Sam to leave at the right time. He got home at the right time. we left the house at the right time. I think, you know, it was just a blessing that everything turned out the way it did.

Kiona:

Yeah, I agree. Everything definitely lined up just as it should. And, you know, you were still within the safety zone in every area. You know, like you weren't home alone for very long. Sam was there quickly after his brother left and you were just on top of it. And I personally think that you were potentially dilated to maybe like a three or four before your labor started because of how late you were in pregnancy.

Monae:

Yeah, definitely.

Kiona:

So that plays a part, but your body was also like, I'm ready for this. Like, let's do.

Monae:

Oh, yeah.

Kiona:

Yeah.

Monae:

Yeah. My body's like, yeah, let's, it's go time now. I'm like, oh. But also, I think at the back of my mind, because I was hoping that she was going to be born four days late, just because I did read, like, I did look at Soren's due date and he was, he was four days late as well. For some reason, St. Joseph's put on Theo's report because they have his as well, his like due date that he was five days past due, but it's not because on Overlake, it's like four. Oh, he was four days past. I think my baby has just come four days overdue.

Kiona:

Yeah.

Monae:

They

Kiona:

Yeah.

Monae:

just need that extra four days.

Kiona:

Plump up a little bit. Now,

Monae:

Yeah.

Kiona:

one thing I do want to touch on is the size of Theo. So Soren.

Monae:

Significantly

Kiona:

Yeah.

Monae:

smaller.

Kiona:

Yeah. Because Soren was how, how much was

Monae:

He

Kiona:

Soren.

Monae:

was nine pounds, one ounce. He was a big boy and his head was in the 90th percentile.

Kiona:

Mm-hmm. And then Theo was?

Monae:

She was seven pounds, 11.9 ounces.

Kiona:

Mm-hmm.

Monae:

Mm-hmm.

Kiona:

Yeah.

Monae:

Yeah. So she's, she's a little baby.

Kiona:

A smaller baby. She's not little by any means.

Monae:

She's just as long as Soren was. Yeah. She's just as long. But she's, she was a twig. She's so skinny. Little baby. And she curls up like just this tiny little ball. She really just tiny thing. And I think that's why, oh, I didn't tear when I push. So I didn't have any stitches where I had a second degree tear with Soren, probably because he was so big. So recovery was nice. I didn't have to get stitches, which was awful. Like the stitching part after birth is terrible. Not as bad as delivering, but it's still like, you know, you have all this pain and then you're getting more pain after.

Kiona:

Right. Because you weren't medicated for either of them.

Monae:

Yeah. And so it was great not being touched down there after there was like, they just reviewed placenta came out and all dandy. I was, I was loved to my own. You know, my body was mine at least for a little bit. So that was nice. Um, yeah.

Kiona:

Yeah.

Monae:

We got to leave at six hours, which is also like a terrible thing because I mean, it was good that we got to leave six hours because I was like, I don't want to be in the hospital any longer than we have to be. The con to that, it was midnight

when we left. It was like 12:

30. So we were exhausted. Sam was tired,

Kiona:

Mm-hmm.

Monae:

right? And so he was trying to get a couple hours of sleeping in, but the nurses kept coming in and checking on me and like this thing just kept beeping. We didn't even need it. So like every 15 minutes, we had to silent the machine because the nurses weren't coming in here and that thing would have beeped forever.

Kiona:

Are

Monae:

But-

Kiona:

you talking about the baby bed?

Monae:

Yeah, the heater.

Kiona:

I remember I had to silence it a couple of times when I was-

Monae:

Yeah.

Kiona:

Mm-hmm.

Monae:

Yeah. So that, so leaving at 12: 30 sucked because it was so late and then we have to like put her in her car seat at night. It was a lot, but we did get to come home. We did get to sleep in our bed with her sleep, air quotes. Just be in our own space very quickly after she was born. And it was nice. We had someone watching our dogs, someone watching Soren. So we got to kind of just come home and just acclimate until the next day that they came. That was nice. And I didn't have to have an IV, which was nice because that was horrendous trying to get that the first time. And I didn't have to get a Pitotian shot after either. Which I really appreciated is they did try to make it just like a very similar experience to delivering in the midwifery center as they could at the hospital. I appreciated that. So again, another great experience with the hospital delivery.

Kiona:

Yeah. I love that so much. I love all of that very much actually, because my concern as a birth worker who has siblings that are birthing babies is that you guys feel heard, valued and taken care of in the entire process, regardless if I'm present or not, you know, so it makes me happy to know that you feel that way. And let's touch on postpartum, actually. Like, how are you doing now? How old is Theo right now? And, you know, how are you feeling?

Monae:

Good. Actually, good. I think this time around is a little bit easier, a little bit easier because obviously we have a toddler, we have a two-year-old and we have a baby. But we're kind of, I think naturally, the responsibilities between parents, focuses a lot more on Soren because Theo is, needs me more and her sleep is just kind of crazy. So it's been good to be able to focus on her. And then also we have Soren in daycare three days a week. So he goes to daycare so Sam is able to, know, catch up on some sleep and then he'll also take baby so I can sleep. And she takes really well to the bottle too. So whenever he has her and if I'm not awake, he'll just get a bottle for her. We do breastfeed. So I've pumped breast milk so he can do that. But yeah, it's been good. I think postpartum has been good, no postpartum depression. This time around it's been nice. We've had a lot of help. We've had family come and they just started, they cooked so we have a lot of frozen foods. We don't have to worry about dinners or even lunches. It's kind of all prepped out for us. Even still today, we have tons of food that we're still like being able to eat. Like we've had family come over that have the first couple of weeks took Soren so we can kind of like learn our schedule with baby and just be in the moment with baby. And while Soren is still being taken care of, it's been, it's been good. It's been great. And it's really like many people that have villages. It's been, it's nice to have a village to help, you know, transition to this new family dynamic. And Theo is five weeks. She is five weeks at this point. So

Kiona:

yeah, still a little tiny little bean.

Monae:

She's still a bean. Yeah. We just moved her up to diaper one.

Kiona:

Oh

Monae:

yeah. But she's still in newborn clothes. So

Kiona:

nice.

Monae:

She just has a lot of poop.

Kiona:

Yeah.

Monae:

A lot, a lot of blood,

Kiona:

a lot of blood. Yeah. Good. That means she's eating well, she's growing well,

Monae:

Yeah.

Kiona:

and she has two amazing parents and an amazing big brother who loves her dearly and will develop an amazing relationship with her as time goes on.

Monae:

Let's hope. Yeah. Yeah. He's, he's a great big brother. He's, he's more like after he sees her all the time. Like just today, he's been calling her my baby.

Kiona:

Hmm.

Monae:

He's like, my baby. You know how he goes like, my mom, argues with Nakoma and Katana? he's like my baby. I was like, okay, that is your baby. He's like, my baby. Yeah. And he tried to pick her up today too. I'm like, whoa, chill out. I mean, he, he can like lift her, but her head will like lay down and like, okay, let's relax.

Kiona:

Yeah. Slow down. That's cute though. He's going to definitely fill that big brother protective role in the future.

Monae:

Yeah. Yeah, definitely. So it's, it's been a good experience. Yeah, definitely. I would say this is different than the first experience, but it's just a new birth experience that I've experienced. Yeah.

Kiona:

Yes. Very different from the first experience, which is good having differences, but then also just embracing the fact that it's a new chapter.

Monae:

Yeah. Yeah. New chapter. One thing that I wanted to like touch on is creating my birth plan. I don't even think I needed a birth plan at this point because when I went from going to deliver in the birth center to delivering in labor and delivery, I don't think anyone even looked at my birth plan. It was more like they didn't have enough time to review. They're like, you're having this baby and it's gonna happen however it happens. You know, still went in like, I don't want a episiotomy. I don't want any, any interventions. I don't, I want to do this as natural as possible. And thankfully it was, was natural, like a hundred percent, no interventions.

Kiona:

Unmedicated, yeah.

Monae:

Unmedicated, no needing anything special, which is something that I always have a hard time going like thinking. I think I freaked myself out before going in with that. Oh yeah, beautiful birth.

Kiona:

Yeah. When it comes to like a birth plan, this is why I also call it birth preferences, right? Like I would say your birth plan itself maybe wasn't followed to a T because the providers didn't have the opportunity to look at it, but your preferences were still considered. Like

Monae:

Yeah.

Kiona:

no IV, like no IV, unmedicated, not having your waters broken. Like those are preferences, which is why I think even the term birth plan is tricky because you can plan to birth in one place, for example, your story and have that not follow through. And so, one way to go around that is, you know, having a physical birth plan or preferences sheet printed out with you in your birth bag. Yeah. That could be an alternative to like, you can just hand it to the nurses if it matters that much to you,

Monae:

you

Kiona:

right? For to be able to prepare for the unexpected. But I think that, like I just said, even though your birth plan wasn't followed to a T, your birth preferences were absolutely considered at this time during this birth. So.

Monae:

Yeah, it was great.

Kiona:

Yeah. Well, awesome. Awesome. And so mentally and emotionally you feel stable, secure, happy, fine, or do you think you're experiencing some blue days?

Monae:

No, blue days. I think the only blue days that I feel is when I'm tired,

Kiona:

Mm

Monae:

you know.

Kiona:

hmm. Mm hmm.

Monae:

When a baby has not been sleeping at night, or she'll wake up like every other hour. And I'm waking up every 30 minutes or not even going to sleep. Like she's got this thing with her that, you know, she's I'm like, okay, I think she's down for a long time. I'm gonna like actually like calm down, lay down, close my eyes. And I'll like be like, okay, if she's got 15 minutes to wake up, if she doesn't wake up in the city minutes, she's probably gonna sleep for four hours total.

Kiona:

Mm hmm.

Monae:

Mm hmm. 15 minutes goes by lay down. I'm like, okay, she's gonna be gone. She's she's done for a little bit. So I laid down and she's like, but it happens every time. Every time. It's like she knows that I lay my head down and close my eyes.

Kiona:

Mm hmm. It's literally like, when you're parenting, and then you finally sit down to have a hot meal. And they're like, Oh, wait, I need something now.

Monae:

Oh, yeah. 100%.

Kiona:

Yeah.

Monae:

Yeah, I was like, Oh, she's this way. So. And she's a squeaker, too. So when you think that she's asleep, and you think she's waking up because she squeaks. So you're like, Oh, are you waking up? And she's not. She's like, she goes back to sleep.

Kiona:

Mm hmm.

Monae:

And 10 minutes later. So She's

Kiona:

little

Monae:

just,

Kiona:

squeaker.

Monae:

she's a squeaker.

Kiona:

Yeah, she's, she has squeaked a few times during this interview, might not be able to be heard by the listeners, but she is there.

Monae:

She is here. She's sleeping, sleeping, squeaking,

Kiona:

sleeping and squeaking. Okay, so when a final three questions for you,

Monae:

give it to me.

Kiona:

If you were to give advice to anybody that is preparing for labor, pregnancy and birth, what would you say?

Monae:

Similar to what I had said before, I think, in my last podcast episode, if you're trying to conceive, try not to stress about it. Keyword is try. If you're stressed out, it's harder to get pregnant. And you're going to hear that a lot. And if you just go with the flow, it might happen faster than you think. And if it doesn't, there are options, you know, there are other options. So don't stress.

Kiona:

Yeah.

Monae:

Labor. Listen to your body. Ask questions. Call the nurse hotline 50 times if you have to, right? To get those answers. And delivery. Hey, go with the flow. But speak up for yourself or have someone advocate for you. Don't let things happen just because you think that these people need to, like, you need to take direction for them. Advocate for yourself. Have someone advocate for you. Stand up for yourself. But also trust yourself. Because you can do it.

Kiona:

Yeah. Beautiful, beautiful.

Monae:

Yeah, beautiful.

Kiona:

Next question is, do you have a resource that you utilize throughout your pregnancy that you would like to share with the listeners?

Monae:

This time around, no. I don't have any resources. I really just went, like, again, it was the last month. I kind of just dove into a whole bunch of free classes that I found. Don't have them offhand. And you can really find them anywhere. They weren't, they weren't anything special.

Kiona:

So just utilize the free resources that you have access to in order to better prepare. Yeah, that's great.

Monae:

Yeah, because... It was just a refresher for me. And I'm glad I did because it was really me trying to just mentally prepare, which I think was better than going in cold turkey.

Kiona:

Right, right.

Monae:

Yeah.

Kiona:

All right, well, my final question for you, Monet, is if you could describe this birth experience with Theodora, what word would you use?

Monae:

You know, I knew you were going to ask this question. I didn't even think of anything beforehand. This birth experience. Fulfilling. I would say this, this birth experience was fulfilling. And I say that because I felt like I had to lean on my own intuitions to, to get to where I needed to be. And, um, it felt good knowing that because after everything that I was just like, you know, I was like, ah, like I did it. Like I was able to, to, you know, like you said, listen to my body and just, have a great outcome.

Kiona:

Yeah. Yeah. Sounds like it was also very intuitive. Like you were just very in tune with yourself.

Monae:

Yeah. Yeah.

Kiona:

Beautiful. Well, thank you Monet for coming on to talk about the birth of Theodora. I'm excited to get this. I'm excited to get this out. And, um, also again, if you want to hear Monet's first birth experience with Soren, um, she also shares that on the podcast. It's episode 20. And then her husband, Sam also shares his perspective with the birth of Soren because he actually ended up catching Soren and he is episode 23. So if you want to hear those two perspectives, in addition to this episode, you should go check those out. Okay. Awesome. Thank you. Thank

Monae:

you. Yeah. Thank you for having me.

Kiona:

Love you.

Monae:

Love you.

Outro:

Recording the second episode with Monae was actually a lot of fun. And it also opened my eyes to the feelings that she had as she transitioned into being a mother of two. And a lot of people don't talk about that. So I really appreciate how she shared the emotional side of that for her. I also really love how throughout her birth story, there was a lot of power that was shared. That power truly came from her intuition and her believing in her labor and birth process. So Monae, I want to give you a huge thank you for sharing your birth story with me yet again, because the birth of Theo was very different than with Soren. I'm so thankful that you shared it with us and that we were able to see both births from your perspective. Now, for all of you listening, if you want to see a picture of the lovely Theodora, as well as the show notes for this episode, you can go to birthasweknowitpodcast.com /92. All right, friends. I'll talk to you all again soon. Bye for now.

Head Shot

Kiona Nessenbaum

Host

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